Self-Observation

I have noticed that I am an odd one.
I also get more odd in certain situations, around certain people. I generally don't notice that I'm doing it. this time I did. Perhaps it is a childish excitement that overtakes me.

Y1= sin(X^mas)

Or; Christmas and the Sinusoidal Nature of Happiness.

Looking at last years Christmas blog, I have noticed a few things:

Firstly, I was one bleak bastard then.
Secondly, it was not without reason.

I then looked back to a year before that - there was no blog, but I understand the general nature of the time. I was happy then.

Perhaps I was happy then because I had hope, I had chances I even had some things that I would have called 'sure'. Now I lack the sort of sure things but I have more chances than ever, all I have to do is be on top of my game and I'll get by famously. Things now could turn out just like the opportunities that I had before but better in some way. Maybe this bleach leaves these clothes brighter than ever before, let's just hope that it  is colour safe.

I suppose that if you're the sort of person that is into specifics, you would say that this isn't a very good sine curve, because I am not as happy now as I was then. While you may be right, that is not the point - the formula probably changes over time, so a little phase shift is to be expected: maybe I'll even get some positive displacement and amplitude shifting.

100: Research Projects

There are a lot of things that I'd like to do.
There are a lot of things that other people would like me to do. 'Bugger off' is probably the main one.
Sometimes these things harmonize, we shall say.

I have been assigned (by myself and others) a few research projects. I would like to do them.
'Do' is a verb I am using on purpose.

Both, or maybe 'all three' are ones that I have wanted to take on for some time now, but never really had occasion to do them. Hell, I still don't have occasion -- I guess it has just come into the public eye.

This may seem a little lackluster for my 100th post, I realize this. However, I should think that this kind of subject should be rather unexpected; I'm not talking about death or about being alone. Hopefully, you will find this a pleasant surprise.

Dan Vs. Transformers 2

So I watched Transformers 2 today.
I was not exactly pleased.

Firstly, why the fuck is there so much shit flying around?
That one fucker that wants to blow up the sun was just using force lift on fucking everything. He can't use the force, he's a machine. Okay, okay he lifted up some tanks first and I thought, 'Oh, magnets'. Then he lifted up some rocks and I though 'ARGH'.

How is he levitating the rocks? He is a machine. He is not biomechanical so it can't be the force. They just lift.

Someone brought up that the older ones can teleport but the newer ones lack this feature. This could suspend my disbelief. Teleporting is dangerous, especially in a battle situation -- if you fudge your co-ordinates you end up inside a wall, or worse, inside a friendly. Then both of you are dead and it doesn't do any good. It's almost  as fast to travel at near lightspeed and significantly less complicated. Well, it's still complicated and still dangerous, but you're a fucking robot. Deal with it. 


Speaking of them being robots. There is that one cat one. The rest are bipedal.
There is an inconsistency.

If they are robots, then the next generations are robots built by robots. Because they can design, they must be free thinking. If they are free thinking robots, they immediately hit technological singularity so every robot would be built in the perfect form and perfectly equipped. Simply put -- they would all be standardized because there is only one perfect design. If they are meant to be specialized ...

Why the fuck would they be meant to be specialized, they can fucking shape shift.  Christ, even the shape shifting suspends my disbelief -- the big ones are mostly negative space and since they were designed by robots, they can compact and use some cool parts.

Dan Vs People That Can Speak But Don't Do It Right.

So Shark Tank was on the tele.

An old man who happened to be a veterinarian had a product that helps prevent a bunch of diseases in animals. The man states that he has had no cases of these diseases in his clinic  in the past forty years - since he has been making and distributing the stuff.

One of the sharks - the young white guy - says no.

Wait what.

How would this shark know whether or not the old man has had any cases of these diseases in his practice? The veterinarian would know. He ought to, it is his  practice.

It might be that this man has had no patients in the past forty years, or that he has only seen a rabbit and a mouse or he deals with turtles that live far longer than that or that there is another vet in town that deals with those diseases.
It doesn't matter. The claim is that he has had no cases of those diseases in his clinic -- with any or all of the above events, this could be completely true. None of the above suddenly change the fact that he has not had a case of those diseases in his clinic in the past forty years.

What the shark meant was "These claim are outlandish, I refuse to believe them without sufficient evidence". What he said was "You have not gone forty years without one of those diseases in your clinic".

I agree with what he meant to some extent, but I do not agree with what he said.

3 Birds

I think they say things.
Speak in unheard voices.
Do they spread slander? Are they assuming?
I wonder who I could make talk.
No.
They all talk.
I wonder who I could make reveal it to me.

Do they think everything is the truth?
Do they know what I think?
How could they?

Bachelor of Evil Science, majoring in explosions and minoring in deception.

Once Bitten

This seems so familiar. No it doesn't.

The preferred outcome of this seems familiar - it did not exactly end well but it began and middled well.

I think it began well. I don't actually know how it began.
It just found myself there without any idea of how. Maybe if I knew how, I'd know what to do.

I don't want to go there for advice. I can't. It wouldn't work.

Awaysick

I was just in Vancouver for the weekend. It was great amazing.
So I came home.
The bus pulled up to the school.
Mom was there waiting.
I get into the car.

I coughed. The smell of smoke was so strong that I actually coughed. Is this what I smell like?
I realized that I do not hate my mother, so to speak, but I do greatly dislike living with smokers. No wonder I'm of bad health, I secondhand a fucking tonne.

I need to get out of here.

Mexican Addendum

The world unfolds with a striking degree of coincidence. Often with the intent of spiting me.

I've been a good person most of my life, haven't I?
That probably isn't true. Maybe.

I've done good things, right?
That might be mostly a lie.

I used to believe in karma. Maybe I still do. Maybe it never believed in me.

I used to be angry.
Or sad.

Or something.

Then I put my headphones on and everything melted away.

Why... So... SERIOUS

For some reason, people have a hard time taking me seriously.

Just because I'm exaggerating doesn't mean that it's all be some elaborate joke. 

So for spring play, I'm supposed to be a fat Mexican.

SO MUCH RAGE.

I don't want another supporting role.  I got stuck being Simon because Brooke and Aaron didn't make good Simons.
I haven't read the play yet, but I get the feeling that fat Mexican is a supporting role.

I guess the play isn't the point.
I've been a little 'out' lately I guess. Maybe I'll be 'out' for the rest of my life.
I don't know what I mean by 'out' -- maybe out of style, out of fashion. Out of favour, maybe.
Out of the good graces. Out of luck.

Wrote a short story for English class. Maybe I'm a good writer.

Too bad it'll never pay.

Dan Vs Think B4 You Speak Campaign

Okay, first, I must say that I do agree with this campaign on the matters of 'gay' and 'fag'.
On to business.

As I said, I agree with this campaign on the matters of 'gay' and 'fag', however they also go off about 'cherry' on their site. Why is this? I've only ever known 'cherry' to mean something good when used in a non-sexual context. It's only ever meant fresh or untouched - I've never heard it used in a negative way.

Okay, it also has to do with virginity.
So?


I don't see how anyone can get offended about that one. Maybe the sort of people that grow and sell fruit? Then again, why not use it to their advantage - "Want to try something new and refreshing? How about popping a Beaverton Brand Cherry."
I would buy the fuck out of those.

I would also like to note again that I do agree with the campaign against 'gay' for much different reasons than the Think B4 You Speak .
While I understand how offense could be taken at using 'gay' as a derogatory term, that is not the main reason for my support of the campaign.

Instead I support because words like 'gay' are not helping the English language.

I mean, why would the average person want to develop thoughts on why he or she dislikes something when it's far easier to say 'gay'. Other things not helping the language include; cell phones, physicists (Quark? Really?), no gender-nonspecific-human-pronoun.

Like 'they' but correct.

So I signed into blogger today.
The irony kicked me in the chest.

Game Design Series: Mime Theorem

Invisible walls.

If you're a gamer type you just said 'ugghhh' .
If you're the sort of person you just said 'ugghhh' because you wanted a rant or something good then all I can say is 'too bad.'

Let me start out by saying that I do not like invisible walls - I don't think anyone does.

Okay, so what is there to say about invisible walls that hasn't been said before?
Nothing I suppose.

How about this - invisible walls are the sort of thing that I find counterproductive in gaming. Mostly because I like having a lot of different ways to approach a situation. Why is it that there is a need to confine the player to a certain path?

There's more to it than that. Invisible walls are just lazy. Instead of just plunking an invisible wall there, why not put something that makes sense and blocks the path? Give it proper collisions and you're good. See, was that so hard?

Oh and by the way, don't try anything funny like making it shorter than the top of the player's jump height or taller than the player's crouch height and then having an invisible wall. That is just as bad as not having it there at all.
On the other hand, making it so that if the player tries, it is easily bypassed on purpose is a completely different matter. You see, that sort of thing is good game design.

So like I said before, why is there the need to force a player to approach a situation a certain way? Is it because your situation falls apart when approached form that angle? Maybe you shouldn't be constricting the player but, instead, creating a tougher situation.

Dreamtime.

What an odd dream.

For some reason C had dragged me into the school washroom with her. I suppose to be more accurate, she had dragged 45 and I. at least I think she had dragged us. Maybe she'd dragged me and...

Yes, that was it.

She had dragged me in. I was saying something like "This isn't a good idea". "It'll be fine, I'll pee quick" she replied. At this time, 45 shouted from one of the stalls "Dan! Dan is that you?"

C went into her stall at the end. She closed the door. There was still a good two foot space between the end of the door and the wall. I told her this.

She said something like 'I know'. She walked back out. Did I mention that we were all naked?

We might have been the whole time, but this was the first time that I noticed.

So she walked back out of the stall, past me, turned around, and kind of half squatted/half bent over with her hands on her knees. 45 was behind her and was going to... you know.

Before they started, I walked up in front of her, and stood there with her face right there.

She shouted 'Dan!'

I woke up.

Summer List

Thing's I've Done

Learned Get Out of My Yard (this is my crowning achievement)

Got the Muff

Demo'd the Muff

Got some more lyrics down for Electrician

Got a cool jacket

Got some cool high tops

Got 514s

Got Saints shirt

Got Grateful Dead shirt

Got Dead Weather album

Learned Dead Leaves

Learned Hyper Chondriac

Recorded a version of Dead Leaves

By extension of the above, found out that I need to do a different version

Saw Hamlet (fucking awesome)

Saw Macbeth (not as cool as Hamlet, still cool)

Things Still to Do

Record Get Out Of My Yard on video and put it on youtube

Maybe demo the Blackheart

Maybe see Inglorious Basterds

More lyrics for Electrician

Things I Didn't Get To Do

Cut an album

Get a Radiohead shirt

Get a mando/bass

Hell

So lets say that for a great many people, hell is getting lit on fire and poked with pointed sticks. And being spit on and a great many other bad things.

Now for the intelligent and the self-aware, what if hell is lighting people on fire and poking them with sharp sticks and spitting on them and doing a great many other bad things to them? For the first while you hate it because you have to deal with the screams and the fact that you're being really rather mean to other people. The fact that now you've become a murderer a thousand times over.

Then eventually you get used to it. Now it's just a job. You get your lunch break and you flirt with the secretary. You make friends and have a couple beers with them after work. You all swap stories about how that fat guy lit up like a chri- pine tree. Everyone has a good laugh, the secretary from before smiles at you. You smile back. You love your job.

Then one day you wake up and realize it.

You love your job. You love torturing all of those people. Watching them writhe and scream. Watching them burn into piles of ash and bone. Lighting them on fire and stabbing them and kicking and spitting on them and throwing them into pits of rats.

And you can't stop doing it.

Is it the magic of hell that keeps you, or is it your own twisted mind?

Think About What Your Words Mean

"Dan, you aren't making any sense, quit being stupid" is a sentence I am very familiar with.

Think about this for a minute.

You don't understand so I'm the one being stupid. It's the other fucking way around, here. You are the one that doesn't understand, how does this make me the stupid one? If it were reversed, and I didn't understand what you were saying, then you'd be the stupid one. 

Fuck it, you're the stupid one anyway.


I'm not going to be offensive yet here.

Lets back this up then. If there is someone that does not understand that 'two and two are four' (in most modern day instances), is he/she stupid?

I think you'll agree that the answer here is yes.

So if it is then expressed that 'well, really there are an infinite amount of times when two and two aren't four, they just don't come up much', who is stupider someone that understands this or someone that doesn't?

I hope you follow me here otherwise you're a dumbfuck here's another example.

It is then expressed that 'Geeze, there are a lot of times when two and two don't need to be four'. So I propose to you, who is stupider - someone that doesn't understand this, or someone that does?

What I'm getting at here for everyone who is stupid as shit  -- no, wait -- for everyone who is stupid as shit, is that (understanding a concept) > (not understanding a concept).

Those are math parenthesis in case you're a fucking idiot not keen on math.

Toe-may-toe Toe-mah-toe

Tomato.
Fruit or vegetable.
To anyone that isn't a botanist it's a vegetable.

If you aren't a botanist or aren't related to any botanists it's a vegetable.
Otherwise you're just a pretentious fuck.

'Hey look, I learned that scientists call tomatoes fruits.'

So would you say that strawberries are fruits?

'Yeah, duh.'

WRONG!

'But they-'


No.

'But-'

NOPE!
Strawberries are not fruit. They are not developed from the ovary.

What about peas, are those a vegetable?

'Of course!'


WRONG AGAIN!

'But they're green.'


Too fucking bad.
Peas are developed from the ovary, same as tomatoes.

C'mon one more.
Corn, fruit or vegetable?

'Most people would say vegetable, but I don't want you to shout any more - so fruit?'


Now you're catching on.
Corn is a fruit because corn is the the seed produced by an ovary.

What this is really about is having it both ways.
You can't go around saying that tomatoes are a fruit and that strawberries are also fruit.

Game Design Series: Quicktime Theorem

Okay, lets start with a premise. The amount of quicktime events negatively effects a videogame. Don't even say RE4. Those weren't necessary.

So, mathematically, the number of slow time events positively effects a game. Case in point; Stranglehold, Wanted, Army of Two.

Instead of introducing quicktime events during cutscenes, introduce slow time events during gameplay.

I was playing Wanted today. There are a few times when your character goes into rail-shooter-slow-motion-awesome-time. These could have been done a just cutscenes or they could have been made quicktime events (pull the trigger but don't aim) - either of these options would not have been as cool as seeing time slow down and my guy jump and dive between enemies in slow motion. I didn't have control of where to dive, but I had control of aim while the game dove me around - and to make it even better, the dives between guys were regular speed, while the time I had control of the aim was in slow motion.

Take note future game devs, quicktime sucks. If your game has it, you'll probably lose sales.

No One Wants to Hear My Music

But if you do, I'm going to record an album over summer. Mostly covers, maybe I'll sort out an original.

Comment if you're interested.

Returning to this, it didn't happen.

Nightmares

I had two of the same nightmare a couple nights ago.

It was after watching Knowing.

And they weren't proper nightmares, in that I would wake up scared as all hell and sweating and screaming - as I didn't. They were just not nice dreams.

I ran out and grabbed the mail - my Icarus TShirt that was supposed to come and my Big Muff that is supposed to come. I put the shirt on and plugged in to the Big Muff.
I looked out the window.
It was like the end of Knowing. A great wall of fire was approaching down the valley.
My dad was looking at it in awe, my mom was just typing. I turned to her, 'Ma, is that real?'
'Yes', she replied. I started to walk down the hall.
'Where are you going?' she asked.
'To put my tree shirt on, I like it too.'
I put my shirt on, plugged into my amp and faced away form the windows.
I was ready.

Dream a Little Dream

Dreams from night prior.

Had to sell my stratocaster. It was worth $1500. I didn't know what to buy.

Her top broke and she fell over. They popped out and bounced. Someone tried to help but nothing would do it. They were perfect.

I was talking with M in my room, it was dark. She pretty much jumped me. I was enjoying her embrace, and feeling her and squeezing her and caressing her. Then I broke off, "I can't do it, I'm with..."
I woke up.

I know I said it, I just can't remember who it was.

Sensory Something or Other

Somewhere along the line, I have some crossed wires.

Most evidently because in my want to eat something Marshall-y.

I'm not on drugs, I swear.

Silence, Silence...

This is probably gonna seem like I'm complaining about nothing. It seems that way because it's true.

People.
Headphones on means I can't hear you.


I'd excuse it, if I used those shitty little earbuds. But I'm rocking out in my noise cancelling units, c'mon.

Okay, I think I'm done for now..

So that you're not alone, I want to take you home with me...

Where'd my attention span go?

I'm such a twitch.
Have I stopped paying attention to the outside world entirely.
--------
It's so sweaty around here.
____
I've gotten darker lately - maybe I've just realized how dark I am. Everyone else is white and they're all the same. They all fit in. They're all alike. Who am I alike to? Shit that I dislike and someone that everyone else dislikes.
------
They don't seem to make heavy metal guitarists in my colour. They're all white.
------
Fuck you spellcheck it's spelled colour. You wanker.

You know, sometimes I sit here and stare at this blank page.

Birds of A Feather Addendum

It was an odd thing today.

'Just look at him, what a douche.'
'You know, I never really noticed it before.'
'He's such a tool, yeah that's the right word.'
'I can't stop noticing it now, why'd you point it out to me?'
'Heh.'

I don't think that you're reading this, I think it was just a coincidence. A very odd coincidence.



Y'know, I almost wondered out loud then. I almost said something like 'Hah, just imagine what they say about people like us.'
But that would have been a bad idea.

Birds of A Feather

I've seen what other people say about perfectly nice people.
None of it was nice at all.

Then I wondered, what do they say about a guy like me?

Mirco Cuts

So I've gotten these nifty shoes.
they're like Sanuks, but they get kind of sweaty.

To remedy this, I've been cutting holes in them.

I think maybe when I'm done, I'll send it to the Sanuk guys, see if they like it.

Out On The Tiles

Heh. W, you amuse me.

On one hand -
I really can't read you.
I want to, so I can tell if you're wanting.

But on the other -
This could be a cool thing, I think I like you.

What is wrong with me?

What am I supposed to base myself on?

How am I supposed to know what I want when I can't really remember what I like?

I guess what I really want is to be wanted...

Never gonna happen.

How I Made My Millions

Maybe I...

I want to type something good.
I really do.

I have all of these thoughts and feelings and -

And they're all trapped in my head.

A Reminder (Polyethylene)

"That's pretty much romance ... somebody you can talk to without either of you thinking the other is crazy or tiring."

Someone said this about The Office but somehow it resonates true through life for me. I mean - I don't plan on birthing any watermelons or anything, but maybe I'm fucked up enough for this to apply.

I want everyone to know that I absolutely love this quote, it the sort of thing that just makes sense to me.

Win My Train Fare Home

A terminal lack of luck might not actually be a real thing.

Not real in the way that anybody will actualy diagnose it, anyway.

It is most definitely a real thing in the sense that it exists.

You see, for the most part I am living proof of it.

I wonder if there's a cure.

Karma Police (II)

Maybe I'm a karmic well.

Everyone around me is doing wonderfully, yet here I am.

Alone.

Desire

I think I may be the least wanted man on the face of the planet.

I don't know for sure.
But I really do wonder if there is someone out there right now thinking of me. Desiring me. Wanting me.

Somehow, I don't think so.

Fuck You Corn

So I pretty much got into a fight with my dinner.

I wish I was being funny.

Here's the recap I sent to Blake on Facebook:

That fucking corn.
Little bastard spilled himself on my shorts.
Wash the little bitch off.
I'm trying to stab that douche and no, he's gonna fucking bend.
Then he throws my fork on the floor. 
Too bad for him there was a clean one in the drawer.

Suffice to say I showed him who is fucking animate.

Okay, this is me making it a little bit funny.
I have to be funny publicly.

But the recap is pretty much correct.

Afterwards I coughed up a lung.

Now I'm nearly sure that my parents think I'm on drugs.

W

All right, W.

You're just like 1001.
I can't read you.
I can't see into you like I can with everyone else.
However, if I have any luck, this is just a yet -

It might not be and then...

Then I've missed an opportunity. Forever?

Maybe you can read me though. Maybe that's why I can't read you. You might be one step ahead.
On the other hand, you didn't try to writhe away from me today.

The worst part though, is that I think you might be as sane as I am.
Which, of course, would be a beautiful thing.

Get Me Out of Here

I wonder how it works.

Is nearly everyone else crazy, or am I a complete loon?

I don't say everyone everyone else, because I  have  met some people that I rate to be on the same level as I.  But that doesn't mean a damn thing, does it?

Maybe sanity is a perspective thing.

The people that view me as crazy are generally the ones I view to be crazy - the ones that can't make any sense of me.

Yet somehow the people that I find sane are the ones that almost always make sense of me. 

1001

Wait, what's up with you?

There's something going on. 

Why can't you be someone I can read easily?

Then it wouldn't be very difficult at all.  

Estimated

I want you to know that I'm on to you.

I know exactly what is going on.

I've had it figured out for a while. 

Don't worry, I won't call you on it. 

I won't ruin everything for you. 

I probably should.

I won't. 

I just want there to be no more feuds. 

Give me back what there was before, and I won't take what there is after.

I'm tired of all this hostility.

Coruageous

Courage is an odd thing.

I've found it to happen at either end of fear.

Before there is fear, there is courage - the will to do. "To hell with consequences, why not?"

Then comes fear. Wanting to avoid confrontation. To avoid the possibility of failure. "What if she says no? What happens then?"
"What if it isn't supposed to be me? What if she isn't in to guys?"

At the end of it all there is a final bout of courage. This last courage comes from lack of options. "If I don't do it, I'm a goner."

Lobotomy Pop

I wonder.

I wonder what would happen if one day I woke up with a different personality.

Farewell (I Guess I'll Miss You)

Goodbye Simon Gascoyne.

I'l probably never see you again.

You know, I dreamed that we did the sequel.
The Return Of Inspector Hound.

Puckeridge and Simon were the critics now. It was pretty much the same play.

Denial Twist

I'm sorry.

I don't mean to be mean. Honestly.
I'd like to apologize to everyone I have been mean to. Ever.

I'm just a little evil quick.
A little bit of an asshole opportunist.
Acting never without thinking, a little maybe.
Maybe I'm a horrible person little misguided.

Choose A Path That's Clear

I've done some pretty hard wondering lately.

What if there really is no freewill?
That would mean that there is all the reward but none of the blame. I like all of the reward and none of the blame. On the other side of the coin, it would mean that I'm not really responsible for any of the good things I've done.

I've done more good things than things with reward and blame.

Is that the difference between the people that stand on either side of that line? People that have done good things hope there is a freewill - people that have done things that were rewarding but carry some blame hope against it?

Maybe that makes things make more sense.

Here's the funny thing.

You're the one that put these thoughts in my head - yet your the one that claims I speak nonsense. I'm not choosing to, it's just meant to happen that way!

Karma Police

I've always liked to believe that good things happen to good people.

I suppose this either makes me a bad person or dead wrong.

Whole Wide World

So I was at an international event over the past week or so.
Such a circumstance leads to me being around a lot of people.
A lot of people I do not view to be the most sane.

Suffice to say, I was not having the best of times.

There was a social function. A dinner - a feast - a banquet. Here I met the first sane person I had seen all week.

A girl.

Good looking, funny. Youthful but not overactive. Seemingly intelligent. Witty. Shy, yet outgoing enough to be appealing at first glance.
She was making eyes at me. She mouthed words of some song at me. It was a shit song, but I had a good thing going.
We pretty much hit it off.

Have I mentioned that she was from North Dakota?

A guy like me doesn't ever get a break.

Way Up High (Somewhere Over The CompCiv)

I had a wonderful dream last night (fuck, see previous).

It was the first day of next school year. I stumbled into the room. Benoit had changed things up. Four banks of four seats along each wall and then some more seats (maybe like 12 or something) in the centre of the room.

I walk in there and look around. It's pretty much full. Someone I know flags me down. We'll call her W. I sit on her her left, and we're on the science hallway side wall. Chit-chat happens. "Hey man.""You stoked for comp civ.""We're comp civ buddies now." sort of stuff.

Mr. Benoit walks in and starts his spiel. After he's done that and assigned some work or something, or still talking, I don't know. I turn to talk to W.

She grabs my hand and makes me grab her boob. I give her a little squeeze-squeeze kind of humorously (but also sort of not just for jokes). I put my arm around her, she puts hers around me. Not around the shoulder like friends - around the back like lovers. I put my hand in between her legs, she returns the favour.

I think we started snogging here, but this is pretty much where I woke up.

Benoit was excitedly taking pictures the whole time. Not in like a perv-y way, either. More of a 'way to go man'/'sweet he's finally got someone'/'this is so going in the yearbook'/'look at the awesome things that happen in my class' way.

Where Bluebirds... (Broken wings)

So I recently heard that dreaming of something bad is a good thing.
Because it means that the opposite will happen.

I hope this is wrong.

Or I'm never gonna get laid.

Hm.

There must be something that I need to say otherwise I wouldn't have gotten on here...

Shit.


Maybe I'm supposed to write about the dreams I had the other night. This'll be fun.

Okay first off.

It started out with a character select screen style thing. See, I manage to forget a lot of the bits in the middle.
I ended up straddling some chick (A), shoving my chest in her face and shouting "EAT MAH BEWBIES". I then pulled out a card that had that written on it and tried to give the card to her. She refused to take it and crawled on to a picnic table - nude and offering herself to me.

Ahem.

The second dream is too... you know... for anyone to read (but man was it fun). Scratch that, I'll talk.
K and 5 are hanging out in my parent's room. In their bed, specifically. K is watching TV. I regard them. K sort of grunts at me. 5 is very happy to see me. I think happy is the word for it.
Okay, she wanted my cock.
Loudly.
Or rather, she jumped at seeing me, exclaiming "Big black cock! Gimmie that big black cock. I want your big black dick in me." She wanted it.
R didn't care and was still watching TV.
I (almost jokingly - almost) straddled her about the midsection. If I hadn't had pants on my dong would have been in between her breasts.
Then it was. It was like it was a camera cut.
I was tit-fucking her. She was holding them together and moving around and everything. When the end of it wasn't in her mouth she was shouting "Big black dick MMM! Yeah, gimmie you big black cock! Big black dick, big black cock, big black dick, big black dick!"
This was a fun dream.

Third. I'm chasing some terrorist (Saddam, Bin Laden who knows) through a graveyard I stp and use some chopsticks to dig a hole over a grave and put some eyes in it. Human eyes.

Fourth and last, but it might actually be part of the previous. I'm like L except new to the job. my predecessor is gone for some reason, but his assistant a white/platinum-blond with short hair - a bob cut. She is dressed casually, a black and grey tshirt and thin black pants - she's pretty good looking. The room is dark, only lit by the monitor she sits in front of and the one near it with an empty chair. I sit down as she's rolled her chair over. She's showing me how the system works, and making small talk, telling me about herself. I'm thinking something along the lines of "How did the guy before me ever get any work done with her around?". It was something to that effect anyway, probably dirtier.

A Rose By Any Other Name (The Marketing People At Trojan Should All Be Fired)

Ever notice how horrible of a name Trojan is - especially for condoms?

Anyone that knows the story of the Trojan Horse can tell you the same. Think about it for a second.
These guys all climb into something that looks completely safe then boom!  they all jump out and there's a big kerfuffle.

Isn't that the exact opposite of the experience you want to have with a condom?
All your little men climb in. They sneak in in the middle of the night. Then they jump out and cause a ruckus.

This is not the ideal situation.

Materialism (Shopping List)

Pacific Coast Radiohead shirt Fuck
SFBADR shirt
Radiohead wallhang
Blackheart amp Check
Bass
A White Stripes shirt that doesn't suck
Muse shirt

Additional Gets
JACKET!

Completely Unintelligible (But Hopefully Still Intelligent)

Christ.

I have been fucking gone lately.
Completely checked out.
Not in right now, please leave a message after the tone.

Maybe it isn't the flu.
Maybe it isn't sickness of the body at all.

Maybe I am infirm in the mind.

Everyone Is Crazy Except Me (Minority Of One)

So my family and a whole tonne of people are making a big deal about provincials.

This makes absolutely no sense to me.

There goes most of my spring break. Fun. I get to spend it doing fuck all. I have to share a room with three people that I can generally only put up with ninety minutes at a time, separated by week long breaks. Everyone's acting like this is the zenith of their lives.

I'm not saying that it isn't. It could very well be the apex of existence for all of them. It isn't for me. I'd rather spend my spring break with a week of the house to myself.

What is it anyway, really? So what if we win? We get to go national. So-fucking-what? No money, no fans, no prize, no groupies. There is a prize, I guess. A little fucking crest. That's it. One. Little. Crest.

I was even presented with a wonderful situation. What if everything goes right? Well, if everything goes right...
-They will all be on the Olympics once every four years.
---I will probably watch them on the tele when that happens
------I might even get tickets and give them all high-fives. Even Charlie.
---------As per this, they will be famous once every four years. That's all well and good.
Still going on if everything goes right, here.
-I will be on TV every day on a successful sitcom or drama.
---I will probably also be in some movies once in a while.
------They will see me on the tele once a week for about an hour. And for about two hours in each movie.
---------As per this, I will be famous all the time.
-I will have written a few good books.
---They will probably like my books.
------I'll probably get on Ellen. Ne-ner ne-ner ne-ner.
-I might be in a stage production. In the between sitcom seasons break.
-Maybe I'll be a musician a little too.
---Yeah, that'd be nice.
-I will have lots of money.
-And fans.
-And groupies.
---Lots and lots of groupies.


Also.


I got in the play. Nobody cares. This is the one that matters to me. Provincials do not. Provincials are the one that everyone cares about. The play is not.

As Ordered (Simon)

Well, it was neither that I expected.

Instead I am Simon.

Two women, yes, but in a play within a play.

So I could very well be a monogamous fellow playing a cheater. I suppose on one hand, this is exactly what is best for me, but completely contrary to what I wanted. Simon isn't a small part by any means, but he isn't really a big character.

Maybe things have a funny way of working out.

I Understand Completely

Suddenly it all makes sense to me.

Everyone was always right.

I never quite understood what they all meant, but now it makes perfect sense. They were all right - about everything.

I never should have listened to me.

But if you think for one second that I am going to bend to your will, you are going to be horribly surprised.
Moreover, you're the one that came here - not the reverse. Don't get confused.

Following Form (Birdboot)

As odd as it might sound, Birdboot is not the kind of guy I aspire to be. He's  sleeping with a hot girl, he's got a good job, he does seem to be moderately happy.

But he's cheating on his wife.

On one hand, I probably need to get out of my shell and not be type cast, but on the other, I don't stand for this kind of thing at all.

True to Function (Moon)

Second string, second choice, always wondering if he's in people's thoughts, wrapped up in his own world, verbose, jealous but never properly so, wanting but not wanted, asking but not receiving, intelligent, triumphant, and then finally bested - as always. Such is Moon and such am I.

 Moon is evidently the unhappy sort of fellow. The parallels between who Moon is and who I am are horribly easy to draw. I was even recommended to be Moon by someone that knows me and wants the best for me.

Alternatively, Moon is not who necessarily who I want to become. Moon does not get the girl.

Identity Crisis (Back in the Game)

Okay, so I'm back at it. Just like riding a bike.

Of course, being good presents it's own problem.

If we assume that I will get what I try for, I'd best be sure of my choice.

Oh, but here's the worst of it.

On one hand, I could end up being the same old me. Just as the moon, completely regular. Sometimes not there, of course, but not there consistently. The second choice of most, because many prefer the sun. The moon grants no warmth - christ, the bloody song doesn't go 'you are my moonshine, my only moonshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray', I mean that does make an odd amount of sense but that isn't how it works.  

On the other I could be my exact opposite. I could get the girl, I could not be the voice of reason for once. I could get to have my fun. This option of course, makes me a bit of an asshole because this probably isn't what's meant for me.

Heh, then there's dead centre.

The best of both worlds yet the worst of either as well. I get to be someone rather like me but someone who gets the girl and gets to be the voice of reason.  not exactly like me, but not unlike me either. Yet as the worst, it makes me a lot of an asshole. Possible most of the later digestive tract as well.

No matter what happens, I'm a dead man.

Hat (Nobody wants to see my hair)

Okay, I need a hat.

A real hat, none of this cap shit. I'm thinking like a fedora or a trilby.

Maybe black or grey or either in a plaid or both in a plaid or houndstooth or whatever.

If there's anybody out there recommendations would be great.


Also a hoodie or something to that effect.

Mind Melt

Christ, I had something to blog about.

It was something good too, angst-y enough to be amusing but not so angst-y to be whiny.

Then I turned some Paul Gilbert on and all my thoughts melted away.

This could end up being a good or bad thing.

Pants

My pants are currently in the wash.

They have been for over a day now.

I have realised that I really take having pants for granted.