Dan The Destroyer

Today I was asked what I was doing.
"What does it look like?" I responded. I was very clearly standing on one foot.
"What are you, stupid? You're standing on one foot! But what are you doing?"
"Well what does it look like I'm doing?"
"It looks like you're standing on one foot! How do you do that?". At this point I had determined that this guy was a shithead - well, to my credit, I had determined that he was a shithead before he even said anything, this just removed all doubt.
"It's pretty simple, you just lift one leg up off the ground." He deserved me being a smartass to him, but I think it was lost on him.
"Woah, really?! What are you, an idiot?". As sarcastic as ever; but he had slipped up. Now I would put him into the ground.
"I'm the stupid one, but you didn't know what standing on one foot was?" I gave him the appropriate look.
"Of course I knew what standing on one foot was! [ed. note: Then why did you ask?!] Why are you doing that?" Part of me thinks that this kid wanted a fight. It would have been simple and quick. I would have kicked his knee inward pretty much straight away. I probably would then have stood on one foot and watched him writhe on the ground. If I felt he really deserved it (or I really wanted to go to jail) I would have then jumped on his head and splashed him all over the concrete.
"Why does anyone do anything?"
His (dumbass) friends all looked at me quizzically and shut up.

Later on the bus one of his fat friends asked me why I had mace in my pocket.
"Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it." I replied to him.
"But why would you need it, just fight the guy?" His jowels jiggled.
"What if it's a bear?" I was not going to go at this guy seriously. If it came down to it, I could just ask him why he's fat.
"Why bring it to school then?" He thinks he's got me.
"How many times have you seen a bear in the school that didn't attack anyone?" He looked at me quizzically. He was either native or asian, I could ask that too.
Here he said something incoherent. Perhaps he was eating.
"How many times have you seen someone get attacked when there is bear in the school?" I asked him again. He looked confused and hungry. He turned away and I had won.